She said her name was "party"
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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