You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Randomize
