Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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