I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
