I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
