I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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