then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
You can't special order awesome
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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