How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
the day after is always just damage control
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
