i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I cut my penus on the lid.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
