I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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