What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
