I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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