He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
