you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
