Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
