I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
