im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
