Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize