Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I will pee on everything he values.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
