Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
