I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
It's shark week go big or go home
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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