Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
