im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
