I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
