Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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