anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
