My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
