What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
don't judge my taste in strippers
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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