i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
The struggles of a small town man whore
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
