You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
