you would pick up someone in the library
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
