Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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