Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
