The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
