remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
