I just pynch a tree in the face
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
