She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
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