I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
