Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
