i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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