tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
