definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
