You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
