I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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