In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
