Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
