I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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