i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Randomize