I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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