he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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