nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
