Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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