My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
