Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
