Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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