You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Ketchup is God's man juice
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
