She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
