I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
