There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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