I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
