I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Randomize
