My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
