I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
