you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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