You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
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