I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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