my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Randomize
