I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize