i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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