just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
