Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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