I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
