Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
