I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Two words: blizzard sex
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Randomize
