we made out on top of his cat.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Randomize
