11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
