I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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