Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
