I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
