hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize