i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
