I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
