He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
