New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
