she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
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