Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
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