I got chris browned last night
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize