When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
