The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
