just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
