My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
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