Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
