if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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