I just saw a hot homeless man
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Randomize
