i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
