y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
