I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize