Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Your face is a jimmy john
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
