I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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