yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Randomize
