I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
