hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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