i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
high people should be assigned attendants
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Randomize
