it's not cheating when I paid for it
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
