Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
